Ranma 1/2: American Style
by hells-angel1
Summary: A/U This is exactly what the title says it is. It's Ranma 1/2 in American style. Imagine a bunch of violent Japanese martial artists who received a wrong order at McDonalds......HEHE


Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma 1/2 so stop rubbing it in.............

Ranma 1/2- American Style  
Part One- Engagement

"We're not moving to America pop and that's final!!!" Ranma bellowed at the giant panda in front of him. 

The panda just held up a wooden sign that said "Shut up. We're going you red-headed nit-wit." Out of nowhere, the panda produced a bucket of ice-cold water and dumped it over his son's head. 

Sputtering, a female Ranma delivered a mighty karate chop to the panda's neck. "I'm going back to China now. So suck on that old man." And she started her way in the direction of her nearly forgotten home.

Groggily, the giant panda stood up and ripped a "No Parking" sign out of the road, hitting the redhead with it and knocking her unconscious. He slung her over his shoulder and made his way down the street.

***********************

"Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane! Come down here now!" screamed Soun Tendo. 

Yawning, the middle daughter Nabiki comes down the steps slowly. "What is it Dad? I'm in the middle of doing our books."

At the same time Kasumi, the eldest daughter, comes from the kitchen carrying a tray with four cups of tea and a kettle on it. She places it in the middle of the table then sits down on the couch next to her sister Nabiki. 

Several minutes later, Akane comes crashing through the door. "SHUT UP KUNO!!!" is the first thing everyone hears. 

"But my sweet Akane! It is not I who snuck-into-the-girl's-locker-room-and-stole-your-underwear! T'was that filthy bastard Ryouga!" cried Kuno, waving around his wooden sword.

"SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY AND GO HOME YOU STUPID FOOL!!!" Akane yells through the thickness of their front door. 

"I shall depart now. But have no fear my dear Akane, I shall find that bastard who stole your underwear and"

He was broken in mid-sentence by Akane's hand flying fist first into his face. Seeing stars before his eyes on a purple background with lavender flowers and wandering away wearily Kuno mumbled "Ah I see you on Monday my fair Akane"

"SHUT THE **** UP KUNO!!!" Akane screeched. She stepped through the front door and brushed one of her bangs back. After a few breaths she began to trudge upstairs. 

"Akane please come back here. We've got some family business to discuss" Soun called out. 

"Oh what is it? Don't tell me that fool Happosai came by again selling some kind of slinky lingerie" Akane replied, sitting down next to her oneechan Nabiki.

Soun blushed. "Uhno that's not it." He stood up and cleared his throat. "I have an announcement to make." He started to sniffle. "My very *sniffle sniffle* best friend *sniffle sniffle* Genma Saotome *sniffle sniffle* is coming into *sniffle sniffle* town"

"What's so good about that pop?" Nabiki yawned. 

"Let me finish. He's bringing with him his son Ranma. And one of you young ladies will be engaged to him."

"WHAT?!?" All three Tendo girls screamed, jumping off the sofa with Kasumi banging her father in the head with a frying pan.

"Actually it would be Akane who's engaged to him. After all, they're both the same age"

"You picked my fiancé for me?!?" Akane screeched, grabbing a pillow and repeatedly hitting her father with it. 

Just then a giant panda with a redheaded girl slung over his shoulders came waddling into the room. "Put me down pop you're going to scare'em off!" screeched the redhead, pounding her tiny fists on the panda's back. 

Nabiki watched the panda lazily as it strode into the living room and placed Ranma-chan on the floor. She stood up, turning to the panda, poking him in the chest and screaming "I AM NOT MOVING TO AMERICA! NO WAY IN HELL AM I MOVING TO AMERICA!"

The panda held up a wooden sign that said "Yeah you are."

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!"

He held up another sign that said "That can be arranged." Then the panda waddled into the kitchen. Returning a few moments later with a kettle of hot water he poured it over his head. Nabiki's jaw dropped all the way to the floor. Akane smirked. Kasumi just thought Gee I wonder where that panda learned to boil water so fast

Soun turned on the water-works as he moved to hug his friend Genma Saotome. "Oh my good friend Genma! I didn't think you were coming." He paused to look at Ranma-chan. "What happened to your son?"

"UhI'm going to take a bath," said Ranma-chan, hastening into the upstairs bathroom.

"I'm going to make dinner," answered Kasumi, scurrying into the kitchen.

"I'm going to my room," yawned a sleepy Akane, slowly making her way up the steps.

"I'm-going-into-my-room-to-make-a-manipulative-plan-on-how-to-steal-er-make-more-money" said Nabiki hurriedly, rushing up the stairs. 

Watching in amazement as to how everyone disappeared so fast the two men sat down. "Saotome what happened?"

"Ah Tendo it's a long story. You see it all started at the Jusenkyo"

"Jusenkyo???"

"Training grounds in China."

"Ah okay."

"Well we were training on this pole of bamboo. We were sparring on them actually. Then Ranma knocked me down and"

"You fell into the Spring of Drowned Panda right?"

Genma, his cheeks turning a very unattractive red (as if he wasn't ugly enough alreadyHEHE), replied "Uh yeah"

*******************

"To tell you the truth Ranma-chan, I'm glad you're not a guy. Let's just be friends alright?" Akane grinned at the redhead.

"Uh yeah. Sure." 

Akane stretched and then disappeared into her room, closing the door halfway then popping back out to say "You're room is over there. It's the one right next to mine. If you want, there's some materials on a desk to make a nameplate to put over the door." She smiled then closed the door all the way and lay down on her bed. 

Weird family She thought to herself.

Who are you calling weird? You're the one who fell into the spring of Drowned Girl you son of a *****

Oh shut up ya little

Go fly a kite

Stick your head in the ground where it belongs

That's your head too you know

Yeah whatever so just shut up

Fine fine. You know where I am if you need me

You're me. Of course I know where you are Ranma stepped into the bathroom. Turning on the faucet he quickly stripped then hopped into the furo. He could feel himself returning to normal form. 

Half an hour later

"What a good nap," Akane yawned. "I think I'll go take a bath now." She stripped of her clothes and wrapped a towel around her torso

*********************  
**

Hmmmno towels in here. Better run into the hall and grab one. What's the chance of anyone seeing me. Slim to none I bet He began to get out of the furo when Akane stepped through. She dropped her towel then looked up to seeher jaw dropped wide open as she ran down the hall, her towel clutched to her chest, screaming murder for the guy who was in there

Oh great. You scared her off you big dumbass

Of course she was scared you baka. She comes in expecting it to be empty and finding a strange _guy _in the furo. Who wouldn't be scared?

God is she hot

Are you listening to me?

Huh what?

Ah you're a dweeb. I'm outta here

"You ain't going nowhere you're me remember" Ranma mumbled as he walked into his room with a towel wrapped around his waist. He dropped the towel then quickly dressed in his regular black pants and Chinese-style red shirt. He walked out of room only to bump into

"You pervert!"

"Uh yeah sorry about that"

"Akane. Akane Tendo."

"Ranma. Ranma Saotome."

"Pervert!" she accused, pointing her finger at Ranma.

"BAKA!!!" He yelled back.

Akane screeched. Then grabbed Ranma by the braid and hurtled him down the stairs

*******************

"Ah here comes my son now" said Genma, pointing to the dark-haired boy being flung across the room.

"And here's my little Akane"

"The one swinging him."

"Yeah."

"Ah they're bonding already my good friend."

"Right you are Saotome."

"AND DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME BAKA AGAIN YOU JACKASS!!!" Akane yelled, walking down the stairs very calmly.

"What a temper."

"You haven't seen the half of it Saotome."

"Shall I tell them now?"

"Sure. Why not."

"Hey Ranma! Get your Chinese @$$ over here now!"

"Not such language in my house."

"Yeah what is it pop?" Answered Ranma, peeling himself off the wall.

"You're getting married."

"WHAT?!?"

"To Akane Tendo."

"WHAT?!?"

"In America." The rest of his sentence was drowned out by Ranma tossing Genma out into the koi pond out back.

Ranma sat down next to Akane as Soun began to speak. "Akane you are getting married."

"WHAT?!?"

"To Ranma Saotome."

"WHAT?!?"

"In America." 

"ARGHH!!!" Akane picked up Ranma and tossed him outside with his father.

"Akane you should really work on that temper of yours."

"Daddy?"

"What?"

"BITE ME!!!" She sat back down. 

*******************

A giant panda came waddling through the door with a red-head dangling from her feet. The red-head was swinging back and forth, screeching at the top of her lungs. The panda held up a wooden sign that said "One Moment Please" and stepped into the kitchen.   
  
Several minutes later he came out carrying two kettles of boiling hot water. He poured one over himself and the other over his soon-to-be-a-guy-again son. Akane stood up and pointed an accusing finger at Ranma. "PERVERT! PERVERT PERVERT PERVERT!!!!!"   
  
"Yeah I get the point," Ranma replied numbly.   
  
"Everyone pack your bags we're leaving to America tomorrow morning!!!" Soun screeched at the top of lungs.   
  
"I'M NOT MARRYING THAT NO BAKA PERVERT!!!"

"NO WAY IN HELL AM I GONNA MARRY AN UNCUTE TOMBOY LIKE THAT!!!"

Soun turned on the water-works again. "WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" followed by a demon that surprisingly resembled a very angry Soun Tendo. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL MY DAUGHTER YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT?!?"

  
Ranma sweat dropped. "My very kawaii fiancé sir." The demon was replaced by a very happy Soun, hugging his friend Genma and crying hysterically. 

Kasumi came in just in time to see the demon head. "Oh my!" She said, placing the tea on the table and returning to her household duties. 

Akane smirked then ran up into her room and locked the door, hoping it would keep out any unwanted baka perverts like that Ranma Saotome.   
  


*******************

They were on the plane to America. Ranma was sitting right across from Akane who was sitting next to Nabiki. Nabiki, who Ranma had yet to find out just how much the middle Tendo daughter knew about money, was balancing a laptop on her knees while holding some slips of paper with god knows what on it.   
  
Ranma looked to his right where Kasumi, the oldest of the Tendo daughters sat. She was talking to the waitress and giving her tips on a decent cup of sake. Kasumi hiccupped and followed the attendant into the kitchen to teach her the finer points of cooking. 

When he looked back he saw that Nabiki had moved to several seats ahead of theirs, trying to convince a handsome young man in buying second-hand tickets to the nude beach in America (with all her contacts who knows where she got them).

He took that moment to study the young woman he had just recently been engaged to. She was starring out the window of the plane, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Her hands cupped her chin and supported her head as she continued to watch the outside world. Her dark blue hair framed her beautiful face in soft tendrils, the majority of it in a high ponytail at the top of her head, letting loose waves fall around her face making her all the more beautiful to him. He looked at her neck where a gold chain with a cat charm on the end reading "Akane" and going all the down to heroh my! He looked away. It would be dishonorable of him toto see _those. _He looked back to see she had shifted her position slightly so that her loose blouse covered _those. _He continued to study her. She wore a just-above-knee-length black skirt that was spread across her legs as they were curled up and she was lightly sitting on them. And that blouse! He sucked his breath in. The blouse accented her figure nicely, hugging every curveincluding her_those_! She had shifted her position once again so a small amount of cleavage was shown but just enough to make Ranma drool all over his Chinese-style shirt. He wondered if she was doing this to toy with him. He leaned his head against the soft cushion of the seat and began to dose off. 

Akane Tendo turned away from the window and saw Ranma, sleeping like a little angel. Her smile softened. He was really cute when he was sleeping and not insulting someone. She decided to study him while this sweet moment lasted. His head leaned slightly against the window, supported by the pillow on his flight chair. His jet-black hair was pulled into a tight little braid in the back of his head. He was wearing a red Chinese-styled shirt that was all the way unbuttoned , probably cause of how hot it is in here Akane thought, revealing a very muscular chest. Akane blushed. His pants were black and a little baggy, very easy to fight in. She sighed. If she had to be engaged to someone he might as well be damn as hot as this Ranma Saotome. I'm engaged to Ranma Saotome! Akane's mind screeched at her. She blushed, sighed, then fell into a blissful sleep.

***********************

In the luggage part of the plane

"I will get you Saotome Ranma. I will hunt you down and get revenge for what you have done to me. Now if I could just find out why I'm at the beach" A darked haired male who resembled Ranma in only the slightest was sitting in a corner, covered in luggage, contemplating the death of young Saotome. Just then, a water bottle in someone's luggage popped open and spilled all over the forlorn lost boy. The only thing being heard after the spill was the angered squeal of bweee!

*******************

"But great-grandmother why Shampoo go to America?" said a most attractive young female with purple hair. 

"That is where son-in-law has disappeared to. Or at least that's what Mousse said after spying on him," replied an old crone who was about as tall as a 2-year old and looked like a stale croissant.

"Stupid duck-boy is wrong. Shampoo no see Airen on plane. Maybe Shampoo make restaurant serving roast duck when in America?" Glared the purple-haired bimbo.

A frustrated Quack' was heard. The silly duck was buried under tons of white robes and strange weapons. 

"Shampoo tell Mousse not to order orange juice on plane. Stupid Mousse not listen and turn into duck. Hmph." A certain duck took this chance to spit on Shampoo, seeking revenge. Our certain purple-haired Chinese Amazon suddenly disappeared and in her seat was a cute little white cat with purple streaks of fur

*******************

"Konatsu I told you not to wear that tube-top on the plain," a certain okonomiyaki chief groaned. 

"But Tsubasa said I looked good in it," he, or rather SHE, whined, glaring at the cross dressing male. 

Let's take a little moment to explain this all to you oh honored readers. From the beginning shall we? Shampoo is a Chinese Amazon from Josketsuzoku whose actual name is Xi' an pu but our pitiful attempt to say it comes out like Shampoo'. Ranma beat her in a fight which means they are now supposed to be married. Her great-grandmother, Cologne, is a snubbing old witch who's only pleasure in life is to make other people miserable. Mousse, who at the moment is a blind duck, is just a tag-along who is infatuated with Shampoo. 

Ryouga is the eternally lost boy' mistaking everything for what it is not. He is after Ranma's head due to the fact he got him cursed by knocking him into the Spring of Drowned Piglet' unintentionally. But one using logic as Ryouga comes to the conclusion everything is Ranma's fault. 

Now Ukyou, the spatula wielding okonomiyaki chief, was engaged to Ranma as little girl by Ranma's father who then abandoned the family leaving them with only the hopes of a wayward little girl. Tsubasa on the other hand thinks he can win the hand of the fair Ukyou if he dresses as a girl. Go figure. But he is totally different than Konatsu who was raised as a girl by his parents like Ukyou was raised as a boy. And now back to our regularly scheduled fan fic. 

"It doesn't matter what Tsubasa said. Just use your common sense."

"Why are we on this plane anyway?"

"We're going to find Ranma."

"Oh. Who's Ranma?"

"Grrrrrrrr"

***********************

"Now now Happy. We don't want to get too excited before our big day. Yes yes afterall, a plane full of female luggage containing silky darlings will be most promising to a man my age. Yes all will go according to plan(insert patented evil laugh #13452)" A perverted little man about the size of a 2 year old laughed in the face of danger, until danger hit him in the head with a wooden stick.

"If you are planning such to soil Akane with your perversions I will dissemble you. It is I! I am the rising star of the high school fencing world and kendo club. My name is the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"

"Shut up you dimwit all I want is at least one lacy bra and panty set alright? Would you begrudge an old man in his final years the only thing that brings him joy?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

***********************

Meanwhile the Black Rose of Insanity is trying to fight off spooky boy. 

"I told you I don't want any voodoo dolls or mechanical spirit bombs!" yelled a slightly clad female who just happens to go by the name Kodachi Kuno.

"Yes but miss it is of the finest straw in all the land and guaranteed to work for at least 5 minutes after the buying," replied a strange little boy who just happens to go by the name Gosunkugi. 

"Stop groping me you horny magician!"

*******************

"We must congratulate ourselves on a job well done Saotome. Our children are getting along great." Soun took a glance at Akane who seemed to be very interested in a certain male's chest.

Genma-panda held up a sign: "Why must I travel like this?" 

"Because. Lighter air fee. Transporting a pet is less than transporting a human." Sweatdrops around the whole plane.

***********************

Thunder hit the plane as it was readying to make a landing on American soil. As said before: "Chaos needs no recipe, but for this certain group there is always an ingredients list." The plane bumped and kept on going. Akane, refusing a seatbelt, bounced out of her little seat and was placed in a sleeping Ranma's lap. Maybe it was fate. Or perhaps it was destiny. Whatever did it, Ranma's lips met Akane's in a most passionate kiss....

A/N: Funny funny funny! Or at least I hope you thought so. Tell me what you think. E-mail me at mercury@toonamirampage.com Join my mailing list at hellsangel013-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Review me PLEASE!


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